I took the dogs out for a walk this afternoon and it started raining. As we quickly head towards home, rain coming down harder with every step, I watch the same brand spanking new black Cadillac drive by several times. When we're just a couple of blocks from the house the Cadillac pulls over and I think, awesome, the creep that keeps driving back and forth is going to offer me a ride. Nope, better. The window rolls down and the driver is a middle aged black woman. She asks, "Have you seen a blue construction van?" Not an unusual question, as there is new construction in my neighborhood so I answer, 'No, ma'am, I haven't.' She responds, "Well, there's three 'meskins' in it and they look suspicious. You better get home, little girl!"
I woke up STUPID this morning. I think about 87% of that is due to my alarm not going off and waking up late. I guess that means I went to sleep stupid. Anyway, my hair looked like Helena Bonham Carter's but I didn't have time to deal with it, so in my stupor I managed to plug in the straightening iron. A few minutes later I started using it and wouldn't you know, it wasn't working! Apparently actually turning it on is key to getting it to heat up. Whatevs. I finally made it out the door (with straight hair) and to the office. After my "must-do-these-things-first" routine I went and popped my waffle in the toaster. I stood and waited and waited and waited until I finally thought, MAN, this is taking a long time! So I lean over to look and the coils aren't heating! The toaster is broken?! Disaster! Right? Nope. The toaster wasn't plugged in. Awesome. So I've had my waffle and I'm allowing myself one more incident of stupid today before I pack it in.
I don't remember when my last Diet Coke was, and I really don't miss it, but when I hear a can being opened across the office it still makes me close my eyes and exhale slowly with the hint of a satisfied smile on my face.